He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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