I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
