so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
