i think my mom watched the whole time
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
