i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
