her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
