it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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