so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
BRING THE BAGELS
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
