Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
