We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
