what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
