Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
