I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
