have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
