I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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