Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
