She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
