Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
