this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
