Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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