You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
