We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Two words: blizzard sex
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
