why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
