the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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