There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
