i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
