just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
