How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
