why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
