Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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