so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
