Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
