You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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