Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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