I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
