I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
