Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
sarcasm needs its own font
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
