i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
