I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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