census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
