1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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