very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
