we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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