I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i now understand why vodka
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
