I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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