Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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