I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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