The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You ate ashes out of my bong
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
