I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
