My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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