He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
